My Mini-Wild Thing

The journey to Willow was one of the wildest rides I think I’ll ever have been on.
I’ve always thought of myself as very intuitive, I’m in tune with my emotions & I tend to just have an incling that certain things will happen or play out a certain way, so when I played my last festival DJ set & taught my last yoga class on my retreat at 36 weeks, I had a feeling that our little man would make an early appearance & I even assumed that I’d only have a matter of a couple of days rest before it all kicked off. However my ‘due date’ came & went...still pretty annoyed that this is even a thing. The amount of pressure & stigma around this bloody date is crazy - mainly for everyone else around you but trying to stay relaxed & not impatient with messages from people asking if you’ve had the baby yet or popping to local shops to be greeted with ‘are you STILL pregnant’ kinda wears thin after a while. Yeah I am, no shit!

A week over my due date, the subject of intervention was bought up - now anyone who knows me or has followed my pregnancy journey (which in all honesty, was one of true wonder - I loved every single minute of being pregnant & I feel so fortunate. I didn’t even really struggle luckily in the first trimester, just kinda had that feeling of being hungover but without the party!), knows that I was always hoping for the most natural birth at home. Not that I was anti-intervention but I must admit I really didn’t want to set a foot into the hospital & had intentions of breathing my baby out surrounded by the four walls of my own comfortable home. I had created a birth ‘wishlist’ (not plan) of what & who I wanted around me but also for wrote out ideas for every eventuality. I told everyone including myself that I would be totally open to having to go into hospital if I needed to but in the back of my mind had actually really hadn’t even entertained the idea. My main fear was having a C-section & having to rebuild my stomach muscles as a yoga teacher but even now, my mind has been blown so open wide that I would welcome that as an option if there was to be a next time because whichever way, I now know it’s just what we need to do that is best at the time & I’ve been inspired by others I know who had this birth & speak so positively about their experience. I’ve learnt a lot.

So at 41 + 4 I agreed to have a sweep to bring along a natural labor & it really wasn’t half bad. I ended up having 3, all at home by wonderful women. On Saturday 19th I followed my sweep up with a beautiful session of reflexology for natural induction which I can’t recommend enough & on Sunday at 5pm whilst watching The Great British Bake Off (I know..I got really into it) my first surge began & I literally whooped with excitement - it was really happening!! Barney poured me a celebratory glass of red & we called triage to notify them as well as our doula Clare Maddalena the founder of LushTums to give her a heads up. She advised I see how they go, to have some food & get some rest...basically I was strapping in!
I went to bed to try & get some rest while the surges were mild but they soon picked up, so I took myself downstairs to have an Epsom salts bath, naturally Maggie (our beloved dog) followed me & watched on as I gently began labouring by candlelight with my yogi playlist on. After an hour they began to ramp up even more & I decided I needed Barney to join me. He then called Clare & within minutes she arrived, which was so comforting. The role of a doula is one of pure magic - as soon as we had asked Clare initially to be a part of our journey, we felt instantly comforted & relieved to know that we’d have her support, care & knowledge throughout. We also called the hospital & our first midwife appeared.
After not that much time it was decided that it was time to get in the pool - again, for anyone who knows me, I was determined to have my baby in water & we’d had the bloody pool up in our dining room for a whole month! This was a big moment for me, not just because I knew it would soothe the surges but it meant I was progressing nicely. You’ll hear this phrase a lot with Mom’s who have experienced any kind of birth but quite literally “nothing prepares you for what it’s actually going to be like”. I chose to use a hypno-birthing language after doing the online course with The Positive Birth Company which I found really informative but which in all honesty all went out the window when it came down to it...my own body just took over & I just went with my own flow. Naturally with having over 15 years of practicing yoga, breathing came pretty easy to me. I wanted to use ‘power’ over ‘pain’ - it was insanely powerful, each & every surge was pure power but I won’t lie, pretty much each & every surge of mine was pure pain! So far I was just breathing deep into each one but found an insane heaviness in my tail bone. I confused this the feeling of my baby bearing down & at one point the second midwife was called in a hurry for we thought he was coming there & then in the pool - the dream & not at all as long or as hard going as I’d imagined...little did I know just how far off I was at this stage, it’s actually hilarious!
Those two midwives finished their shift & the second set arrived. We had 8 midwives in total over the 30 hours I laboured in our house. All so amazing, all bringing a different empowering energy to the space, all with ideas & techniques & pearls of wisdom from years of delivering babies at home, which I will be forever grateful for.
It turns out that we’ve created a little rebel, which isn’t surprising is it?! He was in the optimum position for a straight forward birth for the entire pregnancy - his back to my belly & ready to shimmy down...but at some point before my labor started, he flipped onto his side to throw us all a bit of a curve ball. This meant that he was in an awkward position & pressing down on my coccyx, hence the pretty hard sensations in my lower back, also hence the reason I thought I’d already transitioned in the pool & was bearing down. Not even close mate!
I was in the pool, out of the pool, on the side of the pool riding it like down kinda rodeo! I was in the living room lying on the sofa (lying down was not for me), I was hanging off the banisters to the stair case, I was hanging off Barney, dancing with Barney, putting all of my weight on Barney - to the point his back was starting to twinge for the pressure (!), I moved on to Clare - we swayed, I held onto her (she’s also a yoga teacher & went with me on all of my weird & wonderful ideas), I was doing a figure of 8 with 3 ladies squeezing my hips to try & turn him back into place, I sucked deep on gas & air with 1 leg up on the stairs to open my pelvic canal, I sucked deep on the gas & air while swaying naked in the kitchen hoping my neighbours didn’t look our of their window to see what the heck was going on, I took in 4 canisters of the good stuff during the entire duration, which amounted to 38.5 hours in total! I hadn’t eaten since having a piece of toast at 7pm on Sunday until around 10am on Tuesday morning, I could only stomach coconut water which was great but annoyingly (and I’m not a sickly person) I couldn’t stop projectile vomiting. I threw up in pretty much every room in the house (!) & also managed to get a Midwife in the hand...it was only coconut water, so not all that bad but didn’t help me out with my hydration levels. I had to have a catheter inserted to help me pee but my energy levels were rapidly failing me.
I had a playlist that I’d lovingly curated for the birth & played over & over on the lead up to the big day, it was so comforting to listen to while working through the surges. Every track meant something to me or brought me back to happy memories which I must admit helped me so so much. I even managed to chat about the songs to those around me & reminisce with Barney about tunes like Ventura Highway reminding us of driving over the Golden Gate Bridge for our honeymoon road trip. I talked the arse off Clare & she now knows a lot of my stories, poor thing. I laughed & cried with the midwives, while Barney warmed up his homemade chicken soup for dinners & proudly presented his cheese scones, then it was granola fruit & yoghurt for breakfast crew, coffee throughout! The night rolled into day, that rolled into night again. Barney describes it as having a coven of witches in the house - the energy was so strong by the warrior women present, we found ourselves swaying & writhing together. At one point he put on the ‘power’ playlist - I was naked in lounge with Clare straddling behind me, massaging my back with each surge...I’m not gonna lie, the whole experience was pretty tantric, it was electric! When we look back at it now, it seems a bit bonkers but in the moment it was so right & I loved it! I had another insane massage from one of the midwives using an essential oils blend she created to help ease the surges yet bring on the action...everything that was suggested or done was totally natural, yogi, holistic & just all fit the time of the journey.
Then alas after my 30 hours, after the countless powerful/painful surges on the loo, in the pool, on the pool, in the lounge, the bedroom, the stairs (walking up & down like a crab...who knew!), writhing around like some kinda kinky music video, hanging off anyone in reaching distance & bearing down on my kitchen step, the poor last midwife had the hard decision of calling it a day - I know she felt awful because she knew how much I wanted to birth this babe at home but after yet another projectile vomit, it was time to get some hydration & a little help in the hospital. By this time, I willingly went with her choice - happy in the knowledge that things would be made a little easier for me & we packed up my things...a few comforts such as coconut water, battery powered candles, toiletries, baby stuff if I needed to stay in & my essential oils.
We wrapped up warm & the ambulance came, I sucked on more gas & air on the journey while Barney & Clare followed me & the midwives in the car. The emergency team were amazing & we all managed to have a bit of a laugh as they took me up to the 13th floor of the Royal Sussex. Barney & Clare burst through the doors as we came out of the lift like some kinda film, which was so brilliantly timed!
I was taken to my own room, introduced to the super cool & bohemian midwife that I instantly loved & was connected to a drip for hydration, an anti-sickness drip, an anti-reflux drip as I couldn’t stop hiccuping after each surge & the oxytocin drip which would step up my surges & bring the babe down the pelvic canal, taking me from my 8cm to fully dilated. This was great but of course with more intense surges this meant more & more power/pain, a sensation in my tail bone that I can’t even put into words & a whole world of emotions. There were tears. At this point I was told it might be another couple of hours worth of surges & I fell apart. They offered me an epidural.
Now I had such fear around this method of pain relief. I feared the fact it is a needle into the spine & the dangers that surround it. I feared losing control of my body & not being able to feel the experience & I feared that I’d have to stay in hospital until I regained sensation.
I feel so fortunate that a friend of mine who was pretty much neck & neck with me on our pregnancy dates had had her baby 2 days before me - a planned home birth that turned to epidural, episiotomy & forceps delivery...she’d messaged me saying that she had deviated from the original plan & if it happens to me, to just go with my instincts. I felt reassured knowing what she’d gone through & that she was fine, so I agreed to have the pain relief. I also was at a point where I would have literally done anything! My body began to ferociously convulse with the nerves but I took a huge gulp of gas & air, slumped forward & let the anesthetist inject me. I got the first hit of relief & instantly felt so much better. I only used 4 presses of the relief over the next 2-3 hours, meaning it took the edge & intensity off of the surges but I didn’t ever lose feeling in my body. I honestly don’t know why I made such a big deal of this & would advise those who think like me, that if you need to - just go with it & don’t try to be a hero. It’s hard enough.
The funny thing we realised after Willow was born was that when we got to hospital, the 3 of us - me, Barney & Clare didn’t once explain that Clare was our doula...so still to this day, for all we know, the doctors, nurses & midwives may well have thought we were in some kinda 3 way, or that Clare & I were partners with Barney as our facilitator!!
We all managed to get a bit sleep, completely delirious from tiredness in candlelight with the sound of the babies heart beat as our music, it was quite a surreal time.
At 6.15am on the 22nd October it was time for me to push. With the hypno-birthing, we are taught that we wouldn’t necessarily be pushing & with a water birth, I always assumed my body would take over & with a little deep breathing, the baby would plunge out & into the pool to be caught by me & brought to my chest...but this version was definitely pushing! With straps around my belly to monitor mine & the babes heart, my feet up in stirrups, my hands gripping two handles either side of the chair, my back upright & my two birth partners either side pushing my thighs up to my chest, this was more ferocious than I’d ever thought of! I was advised to push down into my tail bone (hence the bruising & fact I am sitting on a rubber ring to write this) & imagine I’m basically doing a poo...in a room full of people & under an almighty spotlight this was an interesting experience. After an hour of pushing, due to him being 9lbs 5 (as it turns out), on his side & with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck with only the crown of his little head showing, they advised & offered me an episiotomy (for those that don’t know, it’s cutting my perineum from front to back) & then a whole team of ladies came into the room, one wielding a pair of pretty magnificent forceps! This could have freaked me out but I was so ready to just have this baby the other side of the wall that I gave myself over to the professionals. I decided it was time for the power playlist once more - I requested Army Of Me by Bjork turned up loud & the incredible women around me seemed to get excited by this track too - it took that whole track, a little twist of the wee man to get him into position with the forceps to bring him round & some very deep powerful (this time, no pain) pushes & as Florence & The Machine’s Cosmic Love came on from the Lungs album my little babe was passed to my chest for all the snuggles. I really feel that I gave everything from my two lungs to get him here, so it quite apt & rather magical. Through those 2 final hours of pushing, being cheered on by my team of wonderful women & my super coach Mr P the sun was rising up over the sea to bring light to the magical city of Brighton. There was a sea mist that also crept up into the bowl of the city & with the sun shining it all just felt pretty perfect at 7.39am.
Willows cheeks had little marks from the forceps that I didn’t like & his head was all lumpy which I was told was normal but these disappeared & his headed popped into a little lovely round shape both within 1 day.
I was given the injection to birth my placenta because quite frankly I’d been through enough & the doctors were worried about me losing so much blood. It was actually a great feeling when the placenta came out - of which it was placed into a freezer box, as I’ve had it encapsulated & I’m consuming it daily in freeze dried capsules. It’s meant to help with postnatal depression, general healing, mood, mindset & gives both myself & the baby all of the goodness from the placenta...of which I don’t know if it’s working but I feel fantastic!
To conclude, I wanted to share my story honestly & without sugar coating it or leaving anything out, which I often find is the case - not that many women actually discuss their birth, a lot of people tend to experience what can be traumatic or what ends up being a lot harder than we’d ever imagined & they bottle it up. Yes it was the hardest experience of my entire life to date, it was challenging, there were 3 times in total that I turned to Barney & told him I didn’t think I could do it anymore and I’d consider myself to have a very high tolerance. But there is a reason why women don’t talk about their birth once it’s all done & that’s because that doesn’t hold the limelight anymore, they get passed an actual human that they created & this person looks up at you & everything about those 38.5 hours of power & pain suddenly disappear & fade into a distant memory because as it turns out, it was all so totally worth it for the miracle that you’re holding in your arms. I can’t put into words the joy I have felt every day for the past 2 weeks when I look into the eyes of Willow Joshua George. I also can’t quite put into words the overwhelming love & respect & gratitude I have for each & every woman that spent time with us on our journey to Willow - the experience in the house is one I’ll remember for the rest of my life & I wouldn’t change a thing. The time I spent up on the 13th floor in the darkness except a couple of candles with the sound of the heartbeat from the monitor will stay with me & again even through the overwhelming feelings & emotion, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m forever grateful to Clare who now feels like part of the family - she put in an almighty stint as our doula & we both feel like we couldn’t have done it without her. For anyone wondering whether they should have a doula on their journey, I couldn’t recommend it enough. But Barney was the ultimate star - with me through every surge like some kind of super coach, my King, my everything. Even Maggie followed me every step of the way & kissed my face in the house, she’s since become a super chilled dog & is now Willow’s personal bodyguard.
The whole experience was crazy & wild & wonderful.
I’m writing this bottom half naked sitting on a Tena lady pad with a cold compress on my under carriage, sore wrists, a bruised coccyx & an insatiable baby suckling my left breast dry listening to my birth playlist with my tribe...happy as Larry!
For anyone nervous about birth, it’s real life, it’s raw & it’s fucking amazing!