How To Feel Empowered In A Time Of Uncertainty

We could never have predicted the uncertainty that we are all currently facing. Things are changing day by day. We have seen changes to the number of birth partners, duration of their stay and alterations to available birth locations.

This uncertainty can affect us in many different ways, physically, socially and psychologically. The feelings of fear and anxiety are completely normal. We have to acknowledge these feelings when they arrive and let them flow through us. We want to let go of any feelings that arise from things that we cannot control and focus on what we can.

I take control of what I can, I let go of what I can’t

We can feel overwhelmed with thoughts or feelings spiraling around our mind. To help with this we need to acknowledge and identify them, for example “I’m noticing anxiety” or ‘I’m noticing fear”. As you acknowledge the thought or feeling, try to connect and come back into your body. You can try this by focusing on your breath; take a deep inhale through the nose followed by a long exhale through the mouth. Notice how this feels for you. Maybe you notice how it is cold as the breath comes in through the nose, and how it is slightly warmed as it comes out of the mouth. This can really help to calm your mind and body whilst bringing you into the present moment. Hopefully you are feeling a little more grounded and aware of what you are feeling so that you can write it down. Focus on letting go of what you do not have control over and focus on writing a plan for the things you can control.

Hopefully this blog post will help you to re-focus on what you can control and help you to prepare for your calm and positive birth with confidence.

We can’t control the journey of birth or how it unfolds, but we can control the way we react to it.

Although things are changing day by day with restrictions being put in to place; you can still have your positive and empowering birth. It may not be the birth you imagined or wished for, but it can still be POSITIVE and EMPOWERING.

What can you can do leading up to giving birth?

B.R.A.I.N

A useful tool to use to make any decisions during pregnancy and birth is B.R.A.I.N:

B ~ What are the BENEFITS?
R ~ What are the RISKS?
A ~ What are the ALTERNATIVES?
I ~ What does your INTUITION tell you to do?
N ~ What are the outcomes or possibilities if we do NOTHING?

When faced with a decision, or when at a crossroads, take a moment to ask yourself and/or your midwife/doctor questions based on the above, to help you make informed choices.

Be Flexible With Your Birth Wish List/Plan

It’s always best to enter labour with an open mind and to be prepared for any avenue that birth may take you. Explore all of your options and write you birth wish list in order of preference.

Your midwife will be there to support you, so giving them a copy of your wishes/preferences will allow them to understand exactly what you want and reduces the need for too many questions and disturbances.

Learn About Your body And The Process Of Birth

Understanding how your body works to birth your baby can really help to take away any fear or anxiety. When you understand how your body is designed to perfectly birth your baby it will provide you with a new respect and love for your body – it is incredible!!

This can help you to trust in your body and to feel powerful! Feeling positively about your body can really help your cervix to dilate. If we hold on to any negativity or fear, then this can have the opposite effect and slow down the dilation of the cervix. Positive affirmations can also be very powerful.

My body and my baby knows how to work together perfectly

Birth Bag
If you’ve been informed that you’re unable to have your birth partner with you after birth, then there are some additional things you can pack into your bag to ensure you still feel connected and supported.

- Pack your phone/ipad (don’t forget the charger!) and headphones so that you can stay connected with your birth partner, family and friends. You can also use the headphones to listen to your favorite podcasts whilst baby is asleep.

- Pack yummy snacks, things that will give you energy and make you feel good.

- Pack books/kindle to read in bed whilst baby sleeps or you can nap too

- You may also wish to pack something comforting, maybe a your birth partners t-shirt with their scent on.

It’s important to know that you will be well looked after and supported by your team of midwives whilst on the maternity ward. You can make the most of this support with things like feeding and any other questions you have.

Sign up to an online food delivery service
You can sign up for Mindful Chef, Hello Fresh or Gusto (there are many more to chose from) to have fresh meals delivered to your door, which include easy recipes to follow. This will take the stress away from having to think about what to have for dinner. You could order 3x meals a week and in between these you can eat pre-prepared meals from your freezer, such as lasagna, which freezes and reheats well.

Childcare
If you already have a child and have family that live far away, are a key worker or in are high risk, you may be wondering how you will manage childcare whilst you are in labour. Hopefully you can find a close friend, who has been or will self isolate so that they can be healthy and ready to cover childcare. Doulas are also a great option if you are looking for an extra layer of support.

What can you do during labour?
Only YOU have control of your body. You are still the decision maker. You still have rights and you still give consent. Never before has it been so important to tune in with your body and trust your instincts.

Birth Partners
Restrictions have been put in place to only allow one birth partner, and I’ve heard reports that some hospitals are not allowing birth partners at all. This is a very difficult situation to come to terms with.

It is important to know that you will have a caring and supportive team of midwives looking after you and they will be your advocates for you and your birth wishes.

- Ensure your birth partner can self-isolate with you; this will reduce their exposure and increase the likelihood that they are healthy when the day comes.
- You can also pick a backup birth partner and ask that they self isolate too, in the event that they need to attend if your partner is ill or showing symptoms.
- Pack a tripod so if your birth partner or second birth partner can’t be with you, then you can still connect and have them with you virtually, whilst your team of midwives are supporting you.

Your Birthing Space
Your vagina and cervix are sphincter muscles and act just the same as your other sphincter muscles. They do not respond on command. They open more easily in a comfortable and intimate atmosphere where a woman feels safe. You wouldn’t be able to poo on demand or if you were feeling uncomfortable or had people watching you – giving birth is no different!

With current restrictions in place, it is important to know that no matter where you give birth, you can still create your ideal birthing space. This relaxing and safe space will encourage oxytocin and endorphins.

- When you arrive into your birthing space, ask the midwife to leave for a little while so you can settle in and set everything up.
- Keep the lights low and any noise and commotion to a minimum.
- Set up fairy lights and battery powered tea lights.
- Put on your birthing playlist.
- Essential Oils or any smell that relaxes you (I love the Aveda chakra sprays).

How To Release Tension In The Body And Mind
During labour you want to welcome and invite the contractions, reminding yourself that each one is bringing you a step closer to meeting your baby.

As we welcome the contractions, we focus on relaxing and softening our body to make more space for baby. We want to release any physical, mental or emotional stress or tension that is held within the body as this can actually stop you from dilating. Here are some ways to release tension and encourage your cervix to dilate:

1. Share how you are feeling with people. Speak out your worries and fears as this will release any negative energy that you are holding in your body. This release will enable you to focus on relaxing and softening your body to make more space for your baby during labour.
2. If you have tension in the jaw then you have tension in your sphincter muscles. To help relax these you can practice the birth breathing from our yoga class, soft sighs, chanting, singing or blowing raspberries to soften and relax the jaw, which will help to relax the cervix and vagina. This will also help to sooth the nervous system and bring about a sense of calm.
3. Focus on your birth breathing. This will help your busy mind to become a little quieter, which in turn will wake up ‘the monkey’ part of the brain. This will really help you to get into the meditative birthing zone (all fours circles or figure of 8s will help as you breath fully).
4. Your mind can have a powerful effect on your cervix. Comfort, love, humour and reassurance can help you to dilate. You can never be amused and afraid at the same time, so chose humour .

What can you do when baby is here?

Plan for the Golden Hour
Make sure this is covered within your wish list. Let your midwife know your preferences for skin-to-skin, cord clamping, feeding etc. This will be a very special time for you and your birth partner before being transferred to the maternity ward. You will not feel rushed, this is your special time.

If your partner is not there due to restrictions, then you can ask your team of midwives to take photos and ensure a video call is set up with your partner. They will make sure that you feel safe and supported.

Breastfeeding
Current advice relating to Coronavirus and newborns is that women and babies should remain together and breastfeeding should continue as normal. Your midwives can help and support you with breastfeeding and you can also contact the National Breastfeeding Helpline (0300 100 0212) or a local peer support group (hopefully you will have a local group on FB) for additional support. We also have another blog post that covers COVID-19 and breastfeeding in more detail.

Contact With Baby
If you are bringing your baby home during this period of isolation, then enjoy creating your safe little bubble at home. Enjoy drinking tea and eating toast in bed whilst staring in awe at your little baby. Give yourself time to rest and recover in bed. Use this time to really get to know each other and enjoy all the cuddles. Connect in with family via Skype, Facetime, Zoom. As ever, if you need any support please contact your local LushTums Teacher.

Kate Bulman, LushTums teacher