My metamorphic adventure to Portugal …
And why I nearly didn’t go!
You might have seen from a few social posts, that I recently took off to Portugal for a 10-day Birth Into Being Immersion & Facilitator Training; which in a word was IMMENSE.
So I want to share a bit about my experience with you because it has helped me move from feeling really stuck and unsure to feeling really clear and able to move forward again; and I think we all feel like that at times.
Firstly, this was a massive deal for me. The last time I went off somewhere ON MY OWN - so not with a friend, not with family - was 8 years ago, and before that a whopping 20 years ago, I went to stay in San Francisco and do my original yoga training.
Over the last year I had been thinking that I would really like to do something really for myself. To go somewhere by myself and meet new people and learn new things; I just didn't know what.
I looked at all kinds of adventurous holidays but when this opportunity popped into my inbox I felt immediately drawn to it. You know when you know; it was like that!
I had met the founder of Birth Into Being, Elena Tonetti-Vladimirova, 8 years ago at the ‘Healthy Birth, Healthy Earth’ conference in Findhorn - the last time I'd taken myself off somewhere! - and I had had an incredible, transformative experience after attending one of her workshops. It changed me on one level forever and shed light on so many things that I do; habits, patterns and behaviours; that were literally bourn out of my own conception, birth and early years imprints and experiences.
It was eye opening and revolutionary to say the least; and ever since, I had my eye on attending one of her courses. In fact I think I emailed Nicole to book in every two years when they were coming to Europe, but I could never quite commit or feel able to give this to myself.
After receiving that email, even though I knew it was powerful and probably exactly what I needed, I still um'd and ah'd A LOT about it. It meant time away from my family, plus of course the expense and then the worry that it would be too much emotionally, or maybe, as I work in holding space myself, it wouldn’t be enough.
There was a lot to ponder and I felt a lot of resistance. Conversations with my partner helped. He is ever supportive and thought, as I was being SO indecisive about it, it was probably a good sign to just commit and go! And he was right.
As soon as I pressed 'submit' and paid for my place, I knew with every fibre of my being that it was 100% the right thing for me to do. I am so glad I did it . . .
Captured unawares by my new friend Choon Yen; me, feeling bright and clear and looking to the future!
In all honesty, I have been back home now for a few weeks and I still think I am processing it all. It felt like 5 or 10 years of therapy squashed rather brilliantly into 10 days. At the immersion we talked a lot about metamorphosis: caterpillars into chrysalis into butterflies. I don’t yet have my own words to adequately describe what happened to me, much of it being so deeply personal but it did feel like we were in the GOO stage of the metamorphosis process, just before the butterfly breaks out!!
What I can say is that coming into circle with everyone each day; like we do at LushTums; was incredible. This time I was on the other side, someone else was holding the space for me to be held, seen, heard and acknowledged; and it felt really wonderful.
It made me realise the impact of what we do in our LushTums classes; creating these sacred circles in every class, building slowly over time these supportive communities, makes an empowering, nurturing and positive difference to all the mums and mums-to-be and their families, who cross our paths and attend our classes.
It really was so lovely to be on the receiving end of this. I realised again how special and important the act and honour of holding space for others is for me and why I’ve created LushTums and do what I do, week in week out. It is an honour and a wonder to share this intimate space and I’m so glad I get to call this my work, in fact it is my calling.
The place itself, Monte Da Orada is actually rather spectacular too; a sanctuary for healing, since the 12th century.
The whole valley is infused with birds singing, fragrant plants wafting, the sound of the creek bubbling by and the sunbeams slanting across the hillside. It couldn’t be more stunning.
With a beautiful temple and several other workshop spaces it truly catered to all our needs. I particularly loved the sauna and bio-pool; swimming in the healing waters of the valley, under the moon, by myself, was a complete delight.
The food was the most delicious of veggie fair and as a high protein carnavoire/keto person I too was catered for with extra eggs and dairy in each meal. We were truly being sustained and nourished on all levels inside and and out.
The processes we experienced and practiced with each other varied from guided relaxations and meditations to scenarios played out in small groups and whether it was your process or another persons, the learnings were all there for us all.
I felt completely safe and submerged myself into it all often experiencing a day of ‘wow this is intense and full on and there is a lot coming up for me’ to the next day feeling ‘completely calm, grounded, at ease and ready for more.’
When I had left the UK for this trip I had been feeling burdened and stuck, even scared of where my next steps in life would take me. I had felt that since my mum passed away (7 years ago this summer) I had been using all my yoga and mindfulness tools to stay sane, grounded and function in today’s busy modern world with all of life’s pressure… at times like most people, this would slip and I’d have really tough times too.
I had always been lucky that I had found my thing. I felt passionate about yoga, birth and motherhood and I had devoted the last 20 years of my life to it through all I created at LushTums. But I could feel change coming and I was unsure of what this looked like or how I felt about it and that in itself was pretty scary.
Upon returning from Portugal, I don’t have any magical answers to these puzzles but not knowing doesn’t feel so heavy any more. Instead it feels exciting. There’s opportunities coming my way and I’m looking forward to being creative with my decades of experience; seeing what happens and where I end up!
I’m actively creating time and space for myself now to ponder and process all that is coming up for me and to feel into what my next offerings might look like, both locally and beyond.
I know I do love holding space for people and I’m sure that will continue to feature with my classes and teachings… AND at the same time, I also feel something new is brewing… whatever that is will need time to be fully conceived, to gestate and be born into the world too… Whatever it is, watch this space!
Much love to you all,
Clare
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Clare Maddalena is the founder and creator of LushTums; a unique holistic approach combining yoga, mindfulness, NLP, hypno-birthing and antenatal education to create safe, nurturing and active classes and spaces for pregnant women - and birthing people - mums and their families. LushTums has been established since 2007. Clare offers local classes in Brighton and teacher training courses open to people globally. She co-hosts LushTums The Podcast and is available to teach or speak at events.