Pregnancy Diary Week 20: Scan and Gender

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Week 20

“Ahhh, I can see a little willy sticking up! It’s a boy!” And so we are having another boy! All I could see was fuzz if I’m completely honest, but this only makes me respect the expertise of the sonographer even more. We’ve just had our 20 week scan and are delighted and relieved that all is going well. The thing we wanted to know most of course was whether the baby is growing as it should be and if all is developing well. And it is, thank goodness. This time I had felt a few little flutters and kicks in the weeks running up to our scan and as a result, found the process much less daunting than the first time, when at 20 weeks I hadn’t then felt any movement, was feeling fairly normal, and could have easily been persuaded that I wasn’t actually pregnant at all. That made our first 20 week scan pretty daunting. However, I was able to feel more relaxed and more excited about this one and to relish the opportunity of seeing our little one on screen for the second and hopefully last time before their grand appearance. This time around we also wanted to find out the gender. When I was pregnant with our eldest I was adamant not to know, but things feel quite different for number two. Our main reason for finding out is to be able to tell our son whether he is having a brother or a sister as it seems logical that might help him to prepare for the arrival of this new, tiny human, who undoubtedly is going to turn his world upside down. He appears to be very excited that he is having a baby brother, but let’s face it, he’s 20 months old and it’s hard to tell how much he really understands. Regardless, he is definitely a fan of babies at the moment. My best friend’s baby boy is now 6 months old and my son adores him. He gets very excited whenever we get together and when out and about every baby we see is baby Angus: “Baby Angus!”; “No, that’s another baby, but he’s like Angus, isn’t he.” Babies on the side of cereal packets or nappies are also baby Angus: “Baby Angus?”. OK, why not. This excitement is completely gorgeous but I’m fairly certain it will wear off by the time our baby arrives. However, for now, we are using this enthusiasm to sell the prospect of a baby brother and to help us feel less daunted about the inevitable sibling wars that will emerge at some point. My husband and I are also delighted to be having another boy. I must admit that I had a few sad moments when I thought about the possibility of never having a daughter, as although I’m still fairly open minded, I’m pretty sure my husband is done at number two. It’s a bit like that realisation when you reach early adulthood that you’ll never be an Olympic gymnast, or Young Musician of the Year; and despite dicking about on seemingly endless camping weekends, you’ll never get your Duke of Edinburgh Gold Award (which is probably a good thing as you only really did it because your mate thought it would be a laugh and there would be fit boys). My mind also scrolled on to the prospect of never going wedding dress shopping and never sharing the journey of pregnancy and birth with a daughter of my own. And then on again to that bloody awful saying: “a son is a son until he gets a wife but a daughter is a daughter for life”. Cue visions of us elderly, lonely and destitute, as tumble weeds blow by and our sons are off gallivanting with other people’s daughters, or sons. But basically that’s all bullshit and the more I think about the prospect of having two beautiful boys, the more and more excited I am. Gender is a complicated thing and although there are lots of stereotypes that many of us live up to, there are plenty of exceptions to every rule. Our eldest is definitely a boyish boy and our next one might be just the same, but he could also be completely different in terms of personality or temperament or looks or all of those, and that is exciting and wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. The fact that every child is an individual means that each one brings their own little adventure and whether they are male, female, or one of the many other gender sub categories gaining increasing acknowledgement (that’s a whole other blog piece), it’s impossible to predict what each adventure will entail. And surely that’s half the fun?